1. Zucchini is the worst because it looks like pickles, but it’s definitely not pickles. It’s so not pickles that I can’t even appreciate how much mom drowned this in butter and zatar like I’m some kind of fancy, fat-deprived baby.
2. The white part of a hard boiled egg bounces when you throw it on the floor. Huh.
3. I don’t know what part of “I just threw every single thing you gave me to eat on the floor with gusto and used my entire thrashing upper body to wipe my high chair tray clean” indicates to you that I am not hungry, because I am DEFINITELY STILL HUNGRY AND NO I DO NOT NEED A NAP.
4. I still don’t understand why I am encouraged to drink water after my meal, but absolutely forbidden from drinking the clear spray mom uses to clean off my high chair. They look exactly the same— surely they cannot be that fundamentally different.
It only took eleven months for me to start writing in the first person using my kid’s voice. I guess a rough mealtime will do that to you?